This is Supposed to be Fun, Right?

The challenge of actually doing what we enjoy

At first glance, the challenge doesn’t make sense. Doing what we want to do should be easy. We have all of these fun ideas that we want to bring to life - stories we want to write, businesses we want to start, pottery we want to throw, sports/music we want to play, etc. - but when it comes time to actually do something (anything of value), we don’t. We enter this (seemingly) inescapable trance. We watch TV, we scroll, and we procrastinate without realizing how much time has fluttered away. Then, we beat ourselves up because we just wasted another night, another day in boredom and apathy. Why is it so hard to consistently create? I mean, these goals are something that we want, right? These ideas are something that we chose, right?

I’ve been struggling with these questions over the past few years (okay, several years) and I’ve finally started to try to answer the questions. I have…a lot to unpack.

Why is it so hard to consistently pursue our dream life?

1. Just because something brings us joy, doesn’t mean it’s easy. Even if something is easy, that doesn’t mean it’s the easiest option.

   1. At the end of a long day, the couch is safe. The couch is comfy. It’s soooo simple to live vicariously through others compared to even drawing a doodle. Not to mention the fact that the content on screens is DESIGNED to trap us.

2. Creative endeavors are subject to a multitude of fears, and fear can trigger avoidance

   1. Fear of failure

   2. Fear of choosing the wrong path

   3. Fear of wasting time on the wrong path (super ironic when you think about it)

All of these things pile up in our brain as reasons not to pursue our dreams.

So - what do we do about it?

Part 1 -

1. Stop being so mean to ourselves. That’s not going to help and could even make life harder.

2. Understand there is a balance between being kind to the present-self and the future-self. We can give ourselves grace when we aren’t doing “everything we should be doing” and also know that sometimes we have to choose the challenging option (against our current wishes) if we want to see progress.

3. Change our attitude toward something being difficult. Instead of dreading how much work something is going to be or how challenging it is, be excited about it. The result is always so satisfying and it could be just the change we’ve been wanting. Don’t be afraid of the challenge, embrace it.

4. Remember that at any moment, we have the power to change our actions. Maybe it’s 9pm and we’ve been procrastinating all night. We can let out a heavy sigh and say that we’ll try to be better tomorrow, or we can take spend the last bit of time before bed fulfilling the promise we made to ourselves yesterday.

5. This last one will either seem really obvious or really ridiculous depending on who you are, but we actually have to remind ourselves that we deserve to be happy. We deserve an interesting life and we can choose joy. Until we believe that and remind ourselves everyday, we’re never going to break the cycle

Part 2 -

1. Stop trying to do everything all at once. WAIT. Before you say “that’s not how I operate,” ask yourself this: If that was a successful strategy, shouldn’t it have worked by now? (I know, this one cuts deep)

2. Don’t solely create friendships, build community. They can be the same thing, but not always. Friends are people we enjoy spending time with, we support each other, but we don’t always connect with them daily and when we do connect it might be purely recreational (This is important!! I’m not hating on this. ‘Play’ is a vital part of life). A community, though, is more consistent. We have people we go to for advice, people come to us for assistance, it’s integrated, cohesive, and creates a kind of energy that aligns with a dream life.

3. (Re)Read Atomic Habits by James Clear

4. Add-in small amounts of good rather than fully removing the “bad” immediately. It’s very hard to go cold-turkey on technology. Instead of saying it’s off-limits, incorporate what we want to do alongside the screen time. Perhaps stretching while a show plays or pull a move from my mother’s playbook, which is to do a speed round of activities during commercial breaks (clean, journal, etc. ((which is basically the two minute rule from Atomic Habits))

5. If all else fails, replay the scene from The Incredibles where Edna yells, “You are Elastagirl!! PULL👏 YOURSELF👏 TOGETHER👏” (said with love and kindness, of course)