The First Flap

We’re just getting started

Nothing is more addictive than the idea of a new creative pursuit. The dopamine hit I get from a ~revolutionary~ new idea is enough to send me to the moon. The way my imagination runs rampant with the lives I could lead if I could just follow through with this idea.

This is the one. This is the idea that’s going to change my life.

It’s how the story always starts. I’ll write out lists and dreams and maybe even buy some supplies. Oh, how fun it is to buy the supplies. It doesn’t take long, though, for me to forget all about it. You’d never know the idea even existed. The fear creeps in and pushes the dreams away. Those little gremlins are STRONG.

What if what you make isn’t good? Shouldn’t you know how to do this by now? Who is going to care? What makes you think you can do this? You’ve tried in the past and nothing has come to fruition. This is a lot of work. Accept your life in the corporate dungeon and be happy about it.

Ugh, the demons are so RUDE. I’m tired of the drama and the negativity and self-inflicted wounds. It’s time to try a different strategy (I am also addicted to strategizing).

So, what exactly is the “The Idea” and “The Strategy” that’s going to change my life? To answer that, I need to back up for a second and explain my motivations for change.

My day job, while valuable, leaves me feeling rather dead inside. I try to let gratitude outweigh the dread, but at the end of the day I know this isn’t my path. I feel an ache, deep in my bones, that I’m meant to lead a creative life. I’ve spent a lot of time denying that feeling (“I’m too logical,” “I’m not artistic,” etc.), but I’ve realized creativity and logic are not mutually exclusive!! The definition of creative is not limited to “the ability to draw.” I feel most alive when I’m problem solving, when I’m trying to help others, when I can lock-in on a project and try to make something better. Spoiler, all of that boils down to creativity!! When I’m not using that part of my brain, I feel detached and borderline apathetic. The only way to escape the threat of existential crisis is to unlock my creativity and find ways to be creative everyday. If I’m lucky, I’ll help people along the way and maybe solve some problems.

Okay, great. So, you want to lead a creative life…what are you talking about, specifically? What is the point of this article?

This article is the start of my creative life. “The Idea” is to “Start incorporating creative endeavors into everyday life.” I want to do something that sparks joy and/or excitement everyday.

I’m starting this Substack so I can document my journey. I want to look back and see my progress and hopefully inspire others to be creative as well.

“The Strategy” to ensure I keep this going and don’t end up on a week long TV bender, is to have multiple people aware of my plan and my journey to keep me accountable. I can’t let down my fans, that would be rude. Lastly, a big hurdle (that I’ve been ignoring for years) is my fear of making mistakes. I’m well aware that perfection isn’t attainable, but I’m not really concerned about perfection. What I am concerned about is being good, which is just as detrimental. I want to be good at everything, and since good technically is an attainable goal, it’s hard to accept anything less. If this is going to work, I have to let that go. I know I won’t be able to do that on my own, so I’m voluntarily working through a 7-week cognitive behavioral therapy course to combat my anxiety. (I will report back how I feel after the program). I’m also using The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. The good news about the anxiety/creativity journey, though, is it inspired the name of this Substack. You never know what small action, what step toward change will lead to something great. So, like a butterfly*, get to flappin.’ Who knows what will happen.

*Disclaimer: the silver-studded blue butterfly is ~technically~ a rather sedentary butterfly. However, I love the name and the color blue. While I am obsessed with symbolism, I am also going to call this “creative liberty” and my particular silver-studded blue is adventurous and wants to explore the world.