Happiness is More than a Mindset, it’s an Effort

We create the happiness that we want

I think most advice about happiness is a lie. Well, maybe not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth (at least for me). Most advice seems to focus only on the emotions at a single point in time:

At any moment, you can choose to be happy

Choose to see the positive perspective for the situation

You should manage your current expectations to avoid disappointment

Remember to be grateful!!

Don’t get me wrong, these are important points; however, I can’t just will myself into a constant state of happiness. My brain doesn’t work that way. Also, I can only manage my expectations to a certain point before my “hopes and dreams” overturn the desire to be “realistic.” I will not apologize for wanting the events in my life to be fun, interesting, and well-planned. Obviously, I know to roll with the punches when things go awry (that goes back to the part of happiness that everyone seems to understand), but if I just go about my day waiting for happiness to strike, I will be waiting for eternity (this feels like an ungrammatical sentence but we are rolling with it). The critical component is that happiness is created!!! Happiness requires effort!

What a concept.

I can’t believe I spent so much of my life thinking that happiness should be easy and automatic. Maybe it was easy, at first. Maybe it can become easy again, once we’ve built life around the concept. In the interim, it’s effort. It’s intention. It’s almost vulnerable.

This is exciting news, though!!!

We’ve been taught to associate effort with dread, probably due to spending so much of our lives working toward what we don’t actually want. But the idea that we can create our own happiness? Invigorating. It’s effort that leads to a good outcome. It’s the kind of effort that reminds us that we don’t actually mind putting in the effort.

So, what exactly does it mean to create happiness?

Mostly, just be an active participant in your own life rather than waiting around for someone to present happiness to you. Rich Roll and various podcasts/books (Atomic Habits by James Clear) talk about how “mood follows action.” We improve how we feel after we start doing things. Often times we think if we just rest for a bit, we will feel more energized and ready to do things. What if what we really need is play? Instead of watching other people be happy, we can create something fun. We can create the situation we want to be living. (!!Note - I am NOT addressing clinical depression in this article and if you have a medical condition please seek the advice of a medical professional!!)

What if you…

Invite your friends over for coffee

Sign up for a boxing class

Print out pictures and create a scrapbook

Pick a new park and invite a friend to go walk with you

Actually make one of those 128374 recipes you have saved

Open up the calendar and pick a date, any date, and mark the activity

A common excuse is often “When will I ever do this? Timing never works out and everyone is always busy.” Look, I wanted to learn how to make a sourdough loaf and my friend offered to teach me. We had to put a date on the calendar 5 WEEKS into the future because that’s the day that worked best. We kept the commitment and it was a delightful experience that will lead to more bread-making. Make plans and stick to them!! Everyone likes to act like plans are the death of joy. “They’re so rigid. What if things change? I want to be spontaneous.” NO. I will camp out on this hill that spontaneity is a byproduct of plans that are already in motion, it’s not something that just happens out of thin air. It’s much easier to spontaneously pop into a bookstore if you were already out to lunch with a friend. Time is going to pass regardless, so you might as well have things on the calendar to look forward to.

Also, when creating your happiness, it’s okay to start small and it’s okay to not like something once you try it. It’s also okay if you’re annoyed at first. It really does feel annoying that happiness isn’t as simple as motivational quotes suggest. You can start with one activity a week. After you give it an honest try, if it’s not giving you the energy you want, try something else and take comfort in the fact that it does get easier.

I’ve found a lot of happiness recently in a mix of social experiences and craft-y projects. I love creating memories with friends and moving my body, but I also enjoy creating something tangible that I can look at and say “wow, I can’t believe I actually made that.” That’s the great thing about creating our own happiness, we can design it however we want. The only major key to remember is we get out of life what we put in. It may seem irritating at first - to put effort into being happy - but once the happiness starts flowing, it all becomes worth it.