A Little Party is Actually Fine

You’ve gotta stop worrying about it

It’s amazing what can happen when you just allow yourself to have fun. When you have no concept of time, no thoughts of the future, just a fully-present, fun-induced flow state. If it’s so amazing, though, why is it so difficult to achieve?

For some of you, maybe fun-induced flow is easy. In theory, it should be easy. After all, having fun isn’t rocket science (unless you like rockets, then having fun is rocket science). For me, though, it is rarely simple. My mind is constantly turning with questions and scenarios instead of turning off and relaxing. Sometimes, euphoria is such a rare emotion that when I do feel it, it stops me in my tracks. I just want to inhale and absorb every aspect of the moment because I don’t know when I’ll get to feel this way again.

!However! I think, maybe, possibly, I’ve had a breakthrough. I need to gather a little more evidence to support my theory, but I feel good about this as of now:

~It’s difficult to let yourself be free when you’ve drawn yourself a cage~

Dramatic? Probably, but please allow me to explain.

We seem to always create rules around our identity and our actions. What we should do, why we should do it, what’s good, what’s bad. A lot (if not all) of that is simply made up garbage.

This revelation came to me in the middle of the night on the dance floor during a Halloween party. I was having an absolute blast, more energy than I’ve had in a while. I love the energy that surrounds me when that perfect song hits and everybody is leaving their hearts on the dance floor. A thought fluttered around, Why don’t I do this more often? Probably because it isn’t “the responsible option.” After a while, I realized I didn’t know what time it was and I hadn’t checked my phone in hours. Should I be tired? Should I still be out? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. Those thoughts really took me by surprise. How can I be so content in a setting that falls so far outside of my day-to-day? I love the quiet of the morning sunrise, I love a good plan, I love the high of a challenging workout, and eating my vegetables. Yet, anytime I’m movin’ and groovin’ until 2am, I feel so alive. That’s when I realized that I’ve been creating unnecessary rules for myself. Why do all of those things have to be separate? Why can’t I be happy and responsible??

In my defense, society likes to draw boxes and speak in absolutes. Good girls don’t party. Responsible people don’t stay out late. Healthy people keep to the same schedule. If you want to be successful, you better be a morning person. I could go on and on.

This is the problemmmmm though!! Our concept of identity is too narrow and we’re letting other people/fake rules define it for us. “Responsible” or “healthy” or whatever else can be defined in so many different ways and it doesn’t have to look the same every single day. Yes, our actions define who we are. Yes, sometimes caring for our future selves means making sacrifices in the present. !However! What if we didn’t have to choose between only living for now and only living for the future? What if we redraw the lines and cultivate an identity that goes beyond standard definitions? What if we just focus on being a good and happy person? I can love the morning and I can love dancing into the night. I can understand that my future-self is my best friend, but also understand that living in the moment and fully experiencing joy is just as important to longevity as thoughtfulness of the future. At some point, worrying about living the “right” way and making the “healthiest” choices becomes more detrimental than good. So if I want to, I’m going to drink some water and some tequila, dance until the lights come on, and I’m not going to have an identity crisis about it. Oh, and I’ll wear some ear plugs.